I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
