Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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