They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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