dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
