it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
