our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
