That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
