The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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