What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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