so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
