Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
