I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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