i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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