Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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