I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize