I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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