Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize