We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize