We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
