I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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