My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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