Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
