a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She bit a glass in half.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
