I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
