I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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