Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
