so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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