I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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