Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
