she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
