I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
