Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
