Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize