I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Terrible idea I love it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
