Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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