I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
