Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he shaved USA in his pubs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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