Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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