god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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