She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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