Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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