M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
