maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
