gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
