He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
