Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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