Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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