Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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