We're like a lot better than the average bears
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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