spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
