who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
