ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
