Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
