Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
