Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize