The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
