I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
