hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
