Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
