I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
