dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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