we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
