...so i touched it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
